Author's note: Living in a place where you just don't belong is hard. This piece is diary entries from the point of view of Wanda in The Host by Stephanie Meyer.
November 19th , 2011
Thursday...The middle of the week. It's Friday soon but not soon enough. I've been living on the Singing world, for twelve months. Life hear as a bat is great, but I do not feel like there is a reason for my existence here. I’m happy, but I don't love anyone. I need someone to love. My life seems pointless here. Like I have no reason to get up in the morning. Would anyone even notice if tomorrow I was not here? All these question confuse me. That's why in the next week I will be taken to earth to be put inside of my first human host. This being my ninth planet I've lived on, and still no planet seems to fit me best. Although I’m not like most who have lived on two or three different planets, I am not happy here, and hope that this could be the one planet where I feel like I actually belong.
November 26th , 2022
Once again adaptation to a new host is a strenuous task, but the moment I opened my eyes to see the world in color was worth this Herculean task. Objects around me I had never seen before, but I knew what they were. So many memories and emotions to take in without knowing what they even meant to me. I have lived as almost every creature and I have yet to find a planet that fits me. This could be the one...the one planet I stay longer on than another full host life.
November 27th , 2022
I was told that the operation was successful, but I think otherwise. I’ve been named Wanderer and was told to look through all of the previous host’s memories. Her name was Melanie. A tall, tan, beautiful girl. She had a loving family until it was torn apart by the so called “cruel” world. See that’s just it. She showed me this, and seem to almost be talking to me, but as I tried to look further into her thoughts a wall was slammed down between us. A thick black wall protected by lock and key. There was no way around the wall. She held the key. I had no power against her. When I’m placed inside of my host she is suppose to die, disappear. Not be able to talk to me! I should be able to look through all of her memories no problem, but that’s not how it is with Melanie. She’s strong.
November 30th, 2022
MELANIE!...MELANIE! She’s alive. The operation didn’t kill her. This thing is living inside me still. I asked my Healer Fords Deep Waters about the whole Melanie thing, and he said that it has only happened one other time. His name was David. It was one of the first operations Fords has done. Most souls are put into child hosts, but like David I had requested an adult host. Since the mind is more developed in adults it’s more difficult to adapt to there mind, and take control over the body leaving Melanie’s presence a mere existence in her memories. John, David’s previous host did not die as well. He…He became stronger. John had taken control of David’s body. The harder he tried to fight against him the stronger John grew. Eventually David had no strength left inside of him that John took advantage of. John Stabbed David and ripped out his soul. What if Melanie does this to me? I can’t let her. This is my body now and I’m not going to give up. I am a fighter, and she is not gonna take me down. There is no chance that I am going to let her win this battle.
October 13th, 2022
Her memories are so vivid. Crystal clear pictures of moments in time, and I relive them every time I close my eyes. Melanie’s truly becoming stronger. She is beginning to take me down one step at a time. Right now she is ripping my heart out with all these memories, but what I don’t think she is realizing is how much I am beginning to attach to these dreams of her family. I think I have fallen in love with Melanie’s love, Jared, and, her little innocent brother Jamie. Now she is fighting me emotionally, showing me all the problems I have caused by taking her away from her family. How long will it be until The steps I walk are not truly mine?
October 27th, 2022
Jared is all I can think about. Part of the reason is because I can barely sleep anymore. Every dream I have is about Jared and Jamie. My love for them is so strong that I can’t tell whether I’m more in love with her memories or truly Jared and Jamie themselves. I want to see them for myself so badly that I don’t think I will be able to keep a restrain on how badly Melanie wants this too. She is so strong now that if I let myself become vulnerable to her she will be able to control me, and make me go where she wants me to.
November 15th, 2022
Today I must go see my healer Fords in Chicago. I need to speak to him about Melanie. I can hardly tell if when I take a step or move a finger if it is truly me doing this. It’s an uncomfortable feeling when you don’t know whether your body is your own.
November 17th, 2022
I have been traveling the desert for three days now. I finaly caved. Melanie got to me, and made me loose track of my reasonable thinking. I followed the map her Uncle Jeb had drawn for her a few years ago before I was placed into her body. Jeb said that if I, actually Melanie, was ever in trouble that this map would lead her to safety. Although I’m sure if I tried hard enough I could have resisted her temptation to go, but I didn’t want to. The thought of getting to see Jared and Jamie through my own eyes was to hard to resist. I couldn’t overlook this opportunity, or at least I was going to try to find my way through this labyrinth.
November 23rd , 2022
After four days wondering the desert I finally found my way to this hidden shelter, or at least it found me. I laid on the desert floor dehydrated, and hoping that my last few moments of life would be not so painful, but then like a god I was being carried into the shade of a cool shelter. Uncle Jeb rescued me from the dessert, and save my life. MY life not Melanie’s, but why. He could obviously see from the hideous scar on my neck that this was not Melanie’s body anymore, or at least he would have thought that.
December 25th, 2022
It has been a month that I have been living here, and I finally feel accepted. This underground cave is a human community protecting them from the “parasites”. Jared was tense, and not the same as in Melanie’s memories. I’m not sure if he truly is the one I love. Maybe I’m more in love with her Memories than actually him, but Jamie I truly do love. He believed me from the very beginning about how Melanie is still inside of me. Jamie never doubted that it was the truth, and he stood by me every step of the way, and for that I will always love him.
January 4th, 2023
I have finally discovered the truth bout myself. Melanie’s memories can make me love someone. I must love them for myself. Jared is not, and never will be the one I love, but I will always care for him. Truly I do love Jamie as if he was my own brother, and I know that he actually likes me for myself. The other thing I have discovered about myself is that me and Melanie are two entirely different people, and whether we care for the same people or not it can never make us the same. I think that Jamie is the reason I am here. He is one of the reason for my existence, and I am willing to live my entire human life here, with him. Maybe eventually I will find someone like Melanie’s memories of Jared, but for now Jamie is all I need.
