Authors note: this piece originated from a stream of consciousness I did recently. It went in a direction I would have never thought of. The main purpose that this piece is speaking to is how when were little we think that things will be just like the princess movies where the fairy god mother always saves the day.
My sun that has always been shining
Just overhead beaming
its careless spotlight radiating down
its careless spotlight radiating down
choosing reminiscing children dancing
dressed in there princess gowns
away from sight we disappear
Our journeys start quickly…
but seems to never end.
Never wanting the sun to go down.
an ancient leaning willow.
Such a stump little fellow he-
Such a stump little fellow he-
with branches that weep,
Due to the fade in memories.
escorting long lost adventures back.
Within Rapunzel's mane:
Like a vortex were lost.
Unable to grasp reality beyond-
The fairy tale we view
How can something so perfect leave me lost.
If all I have ever know is these grounds
If all I have ever know is these grounds
May fear have bent my yellow brick road?
Just a flash back of the simple days I'm left.
I assumed I too could live the fairy tale ways;
of little girls running circles in Never Land
everyday was a sunny summers day.
I thought my happy ending would be just the same.
Each complication I must face
My fairy god mother there:
to sew the pieces back together.
I am now not foolish.
For I know these tattered dresses
I am left to sew.
Now I grasp reality.
No story lines of princesses and evil queens
the same déjà vu ending.
the same déjà vu ending.
Contemplate each decision-
It could be your happily ever after.
No one wants to end up living
with a happily never after.
I really like the theme of this piece. I love how you sprinkled those fairytale metaphors inside the poem, but not so much as to make it sound like lyrics for a Disney Channel song. I like the first stanza the best, because you have a rhyme in there that makes it flow really nicely, and because it's the first one, you have to work extra hard to make those next stanzas flow just as well. That was my only criticism, everything else was awesome, good job!
ReplyDeleteI really liked the idea of the piece, it was kind of sad at the end but I thought you wrote it very nicely. I would just recommend keeping the same theme going. You rhymed in the first stanza and then stopped, so it was a little confusing. But I really like the ending. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteYour theme -- seeing the world through more mature eyes, unable to accept the fairytale version of life -- is an excellent one. Your writing sounds totally like a person your age, and the thoughts and concerns you carry with you. It may be sad, but that's fine when it comes from a real place, and I feel this poem does just that. Nicely done. I also like the way you used the sounds of words to get across an almost musical quality.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the theme of this poem! It's a very true point that when we were little we pictured things being like a fairy tail and like you said everything turning out to be a hapily ever after. I really liked the ending and it did almost sound like a song. Good job!
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