Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Ocean-stream of Consciousness

Waves crash against the rock with tremendous anger and force. The rain pours down into the black cold water. A Flash of light explodes in the sky followed by the treacherous thunder. Looking out at the beach I see the sand that was once white with small specks of tan grains. Is now a shade of dark brown , and overflowing with puddles of saltwater. The leaves of palm trees are wrapped around the trunk, and snapped from their branch and left to lay on the lifeless beach. Will this storm continue on? Won’t it move along, and let the sun come shining out to make the day a better one.
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13 comments:

  1. Skye LunusNovember 10, 2009 at 4:23 PM

    "Waves crash against the rock with tremendous anger and force." That part's really good. Sounds like the sea's angry with you. When the sea was angry with me, it stole my pearl bracelet. The sea got it's pearls back.

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  2. Derek JacobsNovember 11, 2009 at 9:35 AM

    That sounds a lot like mine, but mine gets worse.

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  3. Sophia BarashNovember 24, 2009 at 9:50 AM

    wow this is a really good poem. It is kind of dark but i like it! keep putting up writing!

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  4. Matt ThurmanNovember 24, 2009 at 10:22 AM

    You used good action words that made me feel like I was actually there. Good job.

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  5. The Slay PoetNovember 24, 2009 at 11:33 AM

    Wow Caitin! You are a very strong writer. I like the way i could almost taste the salty mist when i read your poem.

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  6. Allison SamuelNovember 24, 2009 at 5:33 PM

    This was really good, and you had a really strong start and ending. Compared to the middle, I think that the beginning and end were definitely stronger, but this was really enjoyable to read. :)

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  7. NatalieNovember 25, 2009 at 3:39 PM

    Ya I agree with allison, the middle wasn't as strong as the beginning and end, but it was still really good!!! Your mee is kinda boring, it's just standing there, hahaha, but I like the shoes.

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  8. KatelynNovember 25, 2009 at 4:06 PM

    I agree with Sophia it is kinda dark but it is well writin!
    ~Katelyn

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  9. Alyssa MNovember 28, 2009 at 10:30 PM

    Its really interesting that you took a scene like the ocean which is very peaceful to most people into an ironic sort of literature. You did great.

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  10. Claire WagnerNovember 29, 2009 at 10:00 AM

    That was really good. You could make the middle stronger, but it's still strong without changing it.

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  11. Delaney McCabeNovember 29, 2009 at 5:15 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  12. Delaney McCabeNovember 29, 2009 at 5:16 PM

    I like that poem, and I could really picture the scene in my head, because you did a great job discribing it! Awesome poem!

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  13. taylorjohnsonDecember 2, 2009 at 8:21 AM

    This is a really good entry! You used really descriptive words so you could picture yourself there. Your first and last sentences drew the reader in and left them with something to think about. Oh and I love your Justin Bieber picture. Haha great job :)

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